I AM WRITING this essay with a very special group of people in mind. I am writing for “people of good will.” Unless you fit in that group (and I hope you do), these words won’t mean much to you. But if you do, I want to say something to you that I hope you don’t need to think about too long or too often. In fact, I hope you are largely able to forget it and that only on rare occasions does it ever need to surface. But I think I need to tell you because, though it is wonderful to be a person of good will, it is better to be a person of good will and wisdom. So, here goes.
Not everyone is a person of good will. There. I’ve said it.
Because you are, you tend to believe that almost everyone else is. You tend to relate to almost everyone as if their motives are just as pure as yours, their hearts are just as clean, their hands are just as loving, their minds are just as reasonable and open to rational thought and gentle discussion. I hope you never change your approach to living. You are lovely and loving and loved because your first reaction is to think that everyone is as much a person of good will as you are.
Because that is your approach to life, you are loyal to your friends, and you have many. You are turned to be happy and to infect others with happiness. You are, to use an old but beautiful word, winsome. People are drawn to you; they like to see you coming. And you like them. In the vast majority of your dealings, the good will you freely “cast upon the waters” of life will return to you in good measure.
It is a poor exchange, and one I hope you never make, to trade good will for cynicism. But hearts that are open to loving are also open to being wounded, and (I don’t like to say this any more than you like to hear it) it is a sad fact that some people are wounders.
Some people don’t know how to disagree agreeably because they are at heart disagreeable.
Some people don’t know how to deal in a level way with any “issue” because the real issue is always at bottom the fact that they are bitter and unhappy, and they tend to try to spread their unhappiness around.
Some people who are at heart angry look for reasons to express that anger, and almost any reason will do. Even if you deal rationally and well with whatever emotional issue they bring to you, they will still be angry because their anger is the real issue.
I love the cartoons that appear in Leadership journal, a publication for preachers and church leaders. In one cartoon, parishioners are one by one shaking hands with their pastor at the church door and commenting on his sermon as they leave. One rather formidable-looking lady has his hand (and his career?) in a vise grip as she comments, “It was loud, forceful, and clashed with my sensibilities. And that was just your tie.” She may have been a person of good will expressing a well-intentioned, constructive, helpful opinion. But I doubt it.
When you meet this lady in your business, school, church, or club, be kind, but also be wise.