Did you hear the one about the young lady who went to her minister and confessed her struggle with the sin of vanity?
“I just feel terrible,” she said. “Each morning I look into the mirror and think how beautiful I am.”
The minister smiled and put his arm around her.
“Dear girl,” he comforted her, “That’s not a sin, that’s a mistake.”
We live in a world not unlike that young lady, very much
mistaken about what is truly attractive. Daily we see signs that suggest our
understanding of what is good and worth emulating is being perverted. Our society is increasingly influenced by a
generation raised in rebellious times, when long held beliefs and values were
questioned, lampooned, and often rejected. To be attractive has come to mean
being sexy and seductive. Confidence now means to show “no fear,” to be cocky
and arrogant. Freedom is defined less as the cherished product of self-rule and
seems at times to be seen more as the rejection of rule altogether. In its
place reigns the tyranny of individual rights. The steady diet of such messages
over the last few years has encouraged a foolishness in our society even more
alarming than the foolishness described by James (see James
As Christian parents trying to raise children in this world, we are understandably concerned. Will our children believe the truth we teach them, or will they be seduced by the lies so prevalent in our culture? What resources can we find to compete with the professionally packaged messages of the surrounding secular culture? Can parents realistically believe they can win the battle for the hearts and minds of their own children?
Of course they can, for the same reason that Christian families have always been able to thrive in spite of the turbulence of the times. Why? Because what we have to offer our children is better than what the world offers. Ultimately, righteousness is more attractive. Its beauty is not always immediately appreciated. Sin and self-indulgence certainly have their appeal, but only for a season. With time righteousness becomes for any society the attractive alternative.
One might ask, if righteousness is so attractive, why does religion frequently get such a bad rap?
That’s not really too hard to understand. We all hear people’s complaints about religion.
1. The “holier than thou” complaint: “Religious people think they are better than everyone else.”
2. The “can’t we get along” complaint: “Church people are always arguing about things.”
3. The “they don’t practice what they preach” complaint: “Religious people are just a bunch of hypocrites.”
As Christians, we are the world’s picture of Christianity. As Christian parents, we are our children’s picture of Christianity. If we distort the picture, it is no surprise that the world and our children will decide our faith is not helpful.
G.K. Chesterton once said, “The problem is not that Christianity has been tried and found wanting, but that it has so rarely been tried at all.” We must take a hard look at our teaching and our witness to our children. We must ask if the life we live before them is genuinely Christian or is something less.
Is our faith attractive? A good place to evaluate the
attractiveness of our faith can be found with Paul’s words to Titus. Paul tells
the young evangelist to
Sound doctrine is attractive, he says. So, what is sound doctrine? According to Paul, it is temperance, reverence, self-control, honesty, purity, kindness, humility, respectful speech, trustworthiness, and sobriety (2: 1-10). For Paul, sound doctrine was a lifestyle. The Greek word for “sound” is hugiaino which means “healthy.” From it we get our English word “hygiene.” Sound doctrine is healthy teaching, teaching which is life-giving, not life-destroying.
Some Christians have at times seemed to think that people who hold to sound doctrine are those who have the “correct” positions on a list of “issues” hotly debated among church leaders, a list which has little to do with the concerns Paul addresses in his letter to Titus. But to Paul sound doctrine was teaching centered on Christ which produced a Christ-like lifestyle. We have rarely argued over whether or not believers should be self-controlled, humble, and respectful, but all too often our arguments over “issues” have lacked these same virtues. Religion which is centered on “issues” is unattractive and misguided. When our religion lifts up Christ and the lifestyle he calls us to live, then we will attract people as Christ did.
Our world is becoming all too similar to the world of Paul and Titus. The pagan world encouraged the indulgence of every fleshly appetite. Among their various religions, the sins of drunkenness, adultery, suicide, fornication, homosexuality, and even infanticide were considered acceptable, even worshipful, behavior! Paul tells Titus to show these poor people an alternative way to live, a righteous alternative, an attractive alternative.
Who can doubt that Paul would say the same things to our world?
Immorality has become an expected behavior. For many, marital fidelity is merely an option. Suicide is something we assist people with, and infanticide is lurking just around the corner.
Our world needs an attractive alternative. Rather than live in fear that our children will be swept up in the world’s ugliness, we ought to confidently prepare them to display the beauty of holiness. The world is ready for an attractive alternative. Each morning the world gets up, looks into the mirror, and finds it increasingly difficult to see its beauty. People are beginning to question the “experts” who so casually set aside long accepted norms and values. So many of the experts told us chastity was puritanical, but now they look into the mirror and see rampant promiscuity. Suddenly, purity looks pretty attractive. Those who questioned the need for marriage vows and suggested marriage contracts now look into the mirror and see an epidemic of marital failure and confused children. Maybe “til death do us part” makes good sense after all.
The experts cried “censorship” to those who expressed concern about the rising vulgarity and obscenity in our culture. But now we look in the mirror and see a plague of “role models” whose vulgarity and obscenity have gone further than anyone anticipated.
The experts told us we were naive to believe in absolute right and wrong. We were given relative truth and situation ethics instead. Now as we hold the mirror up to our society and see greed gripping Wall Street and corruption covering our capitol, suddenly integrity, honesty, and character have become valuable commodities again.
For years virtue and traditional values have been
trivialized and now our society is suffering the consequences. William Bennett,
in his book De-Valuing
The deterioration of our society is so evident that even the “experts” are concerned about the loss of values once taken for granted. We are witnessing the fulfillment of C.S. Lewis’ prophetic words, “We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and then bid the geldings be fruitful.”
As Christians, and especially as Christian families, it is
certainly not our job to judge people who are suffering with any of these
problems. None of our churches are exempt from the social pathologies
mentioned. We are all desperately in need of the grace of God. But grace is
more than just forgiveness. Grace also teaches us to say “No!” to ungodliness
(Titus
Christian parents should boldly teach their children to be righteous. Our kids may complain when we say no to some of their requests. They will say our religion is too negative. That is the opportunity to tell them and model for them that behind every “no” to ungodliness there is an attractive “yes” for them and their lives.
When we say “no” to immorality, we are saying “yes” to purity and self-respect.
When we say “no” to adultery, we are saying “yes” to fidelity and secure marriages.
When we say “no” to cocky arrogance, we are saying “yes” to humility and better friendships.
When we say “no” to drunkenness, we are saying “yes” to sobriety and a memory without haunting regrets.
When we say “no” to cynicism, we are saying “yes” to respect and “yes” to honor.
Parents, do not be timid about righteousness. Tell your kids with confidence that righteousness is a better life, a more attractive life, than any alternative.
And though God’s word needs no confirmation from any man’s research, you may find comfort in knowing that a growing body of research supports the “soundness” of righteousness as powerful medicine for strong families. Christian marriages are stronger, happier, longer lasting, and more satisfying sexually than are others. Kids who attend church are less likely to be sexually active, use drugs, or commit suicide than their peers. Couples who do not live together before marriage have stronger marriages than those who do. A strong faith and active church life are consistent attributes in every study on what constitutes healthy, strong families. There are exceptions to all this of course, but that is precisely the point—they are exceptions! The general rule is that the doctrine of Christ is sound. It produces healthier, happier lives. Righteousness is an attractive alternative to anything the world would offer!
So, parents, do not hesitate to teach your children to say “no” to ungodliness and worldly passion and to say “yes” to self control, purity, integrity, respectful speech, modesty, humility, and all godliness. Such teaching is your best bet to secure your children in the faith and attract the world to faith’s value.