I’m not sure who writes them or where they originate, but for several years now I have been delighted once a year to see a compilation of wacky but true stories about people who have been nominated for the Darwin Awards.
The heroes in these tales can be considered for the award,
we are told, because they prove beyond all doubt that
Consider, for example, the antics of a fellow we shall call Michael Mitchell, and his buddies, as detailed in the most recent list of Darwin Award nominees.
In a rural
The men were firing at a raccoon that was wandering by, but the beer apparently impaired their aim. Despite the estimated 35 shots the group fired, the animal escaped into a three-foot diameter drainage pipe some 100 feet away from Mitchell’s deck.
Determined to terminate the animal, Mitchell retrieved a can of gasoline and poured some down the pipe, intending to smoke the raccoon out. After several unsuccessful attempts to ignite the fuel, Mitchell emptied the entire five-gallon can down the pipe and tried to light it again, to no avail.
Not one to admit defeat by wildlife, the determined Mitchell proceeded to slide feet first about 15 feet down the sloping pipe to toss a match. The subsequent rapidly expanding fireball propelled Mitchell back the way he had come, though at a much higher rate of speed. He exited the angled pipe “like a Polaris missile leaves a submarine,” according to one witness.
Mitchell was launched directly over his own home, right over the heads of his astonished friends, onto his front lawn. In all, he was airborne for more than 200 feet.
“There was a Doppler Effect to his scream as he flew over us,” the witness reported, “followed by a loud thud.” Amazingly, he suffered only minor injuries.
“It was actually pretty cool,” Mitchell said, “like when they shoot someone out of a cannon at the circus. I’d do it again if I was sure I wouldn’t get hurt.”
Maybe the