I WILL NEVER understand why some gals think that it is romantically alluring for some slobbering guy to nibble on their ear. (I have this on good authority from the one gal whose ear I am licensed to nibble upon.) I still don’t understand.
But I’m pretty sure that heavy-weight champion (chompion?) Evander Holyfield found former champ Mike Tyson’s biting his ear (remember that odd story from a few months ago?) anything but romantic. Try disgusting. Revolting. Maddening. Insane. Quite a number of words would work. But not, and this is the only bit of normalcy in an otherwise weird story, romantic.
Why’d Tyson do it? Lots of folks wonder. Sports commentators, who could hardly believe their own video tapes, spent lots of time wondering. (One newspaper headline alluded to the “sucker munch.”) Former champ Tyson wonders, too.
Did you see the news conference where Tyson apologized for his outrageous, carnivorous ear-munching tendencies? He made a very lucid statement (for a guy who’d just tried to chew off a man’s ear) and then said that he was working with professionals (doctors? counselors?) to try to discover what would cause one man to decide in the heat of battle to eat another man’s ear.
Hmm. What do you suppose they’ll discover? He hopes, I’m sure, that some sort of vitamin deficiency, hormonal imbalance, genetic abnormality, maybe an ear-wax shortage, will get him off the hook, or the lobe, as the case may be. I can see the headlines now. “Genetic Test Formulated To Identify Potential Ear-biters.” “Phases of the Moon Coupled With Low B-12 May Cause Human Ear-nibbling Syndrome.” “Ear-jerking Teacher in Tyson’s Past Blamed for Ear Incident: NEA Has No Comment.”
Seems to me that Tyson is just like the rest of us who at times have stood horrified at our own behavior desperately needing some way to convince ourselves that our shocking behavior is something we could not help and, consequently, not our fault. It was something that happened to us, not something we did.
We don’t blame somebody for being born with a short leg or an undeveloped hand or crossed eyes. Maybe scientists will discover a mysterious ear-biting gene that has suddenly afflicted Mike Tyson.
But I doubt it. For a better use of his abundant funds, I’d suggest he fire a doctor or two and, for free, read Romans 7 where the Apostle Paul confesses to standing aghast at his own behavior. Paul sets up both the problem and the cure. Great medicine for people tempted to bite off ears. Or heads. Or trouble. Or more than they can chew.
I’ll say this: I’m pretty sure Tyson’s problem is hereditary. He’s a child of Adam. And so are we.