Catching Some ZZZ’s

by Gene Shelburne

Several alert readers of the Amarillo Daily News noted that my column was invaded several weeks ago by a gaggle of z’s.

Having grown accustomed to my off-the-wall brand of humor, some of my more ingenious fans read the affected columns over and over, trying to discern some esoteric joke lurking in the inexplicable z’s. Alas, there was none.

Borger Sunday-school teacher Gwynn Scott said she would like to ask me if I happened to be snoozing while I was writing the z-struck columns. Quite possibly, Gwynn.

The real problem was in the typesetting process, of course. My column goes to the newspaper on a computer disk. The newspaper computer and mine speak different languages. Obviously. Quotation marks on mine show up as z’s on theirs.

Unaware that my copy was alien stuff produced on an outside word processor, a new person on the night desk didn’t know to clean up my z’s. (Night employees often have trouble with zzz’s, I’m told.)

It was a minor fumble that my friends at the newspaper office quickly recovered. A no-blood-no-foul sort of thing. Soon the z’s vanished.

My own explanation was not far from Gwynn Scott’s. When one of my own flock asked about the sudden flurry of z’s, I laughed and replied that after years of practice in the pulpit, I had perfected the art of putting people to sleep. Now I could even do it when writing.

All joking aside, though, I will confide in you that from the very earliest days of my ministry, I have made it my goal to keep people wide awake when I preach.

Several years ago I served as guest instructor for a gang of wanna-be preacher boys. Over and over that night I told them, “The cardinal sin for any preacher in a pulpit is to bore his listeners.” And I tried to teach them techniques for making their presentations alive and compelling.

I meant what I told them. When my audience starts counting flies on the sanctuary ceiling, that’s my fault. When the deacons start catching zzz’s on the side pews, the blame is mine alone. Had I crafted my message with skill and kindled it with fires of holy imagination, the minds of my listeners would be with me. Keeping folks awake is my job. God called me to tell the world the Good News about his Son, to wake people up to his incredible grace. If I put them to sleep instead, I’m doing a lousy job.